The Issue of Self-Analysis

There is one thing that I ultimately dislike about being a composer. I don't like to self-analyze. Actually, as an introvert, I really take issue when someone asks me to talk about my music. I often wonder how other composers feel about talking about their composition process. Another thing that I find interesting, some composers safeguard their sketches and pre-composition like they are hoarding all the gold in Fort Knox. 

Here are some things that I think deter composers from self-analysis:

• Many graduate schools require their composers to write an intensive analysis of their dissertation piece (I had a teacher who called this the "manifesto"). After you've spent a good chunk of your life working on a composition, you're probably not going to want to write about it. "I want to write a 120 page book on my piece," said no composer ever...
• A lot of composers are introverted. Putting us in front of a crowd is probably not going to net the best results. I'm sure, however, that there are plenty of composers who like to talk about their music, granted that I am not one of them.
• A lot of composers are brilliant analysts. That being said, we probably spot check sections of a piece that we find cool in order to understand how it works. Do some of us hate self-analysis because we already know what makes our music tick?

There are benefits of self-analysis. There is the danger, that if you never talk about your work, someone might arrive at a different interpretation than what you intended. I listed some of the benefits of self-analysis. They are provided below:

• Self-analysis can inform a performance of our composition. Sometimes, there might be a minute difference between our perfect performance in our head and what the performer is doing. This can help the presentation of something that we have spent hours, days, or even months on. However, we should tread carefully. Part of the joys of being a composer is another human being giving life to something we've made.
• Someday, you WILL have to talk about your music. Just going over your piece with the theorist hat can help give us a different perspective from when we are wearing our composition hat.
• Your insight might give meaning to someone's experience of a composition. I used to participate in this classical music group. I played one of my compositions. Someone had some questions that were bordering on hostile. I took my chillaxative, put on my big boy pants, and answered the questions as best as I could. Needless to say, this person came to every one of my performances for the rest of the year.

My solution to this paradigm? Only do as much self-analysis as you want. Be prepared to talk meaningfully about your composition if you want more performances of your piece (the last time I checked, I wasn't having a problem with too many performances of my compositions). If someone asks you a hard question about your music (e.g. "Why would anyone ever play this?"), you have the right to politely decline. But remember that people often ask questions because it's human nature to do so. Realize that people are asking questions because they are interested. When two people share common ground, questions are a way of bridging the stream that parts that ground. 

But most importantly, enjoy. That's the part that is easy to forget, when considering all of the above.